Has Tinder pulled the trigger on chivalry?

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I went on a date the other week with a guy who only a few minutes in, confessed he was on Tinder and was “addicted to getting matches”(translation – I love to get my ego stroked). That really should have been my cue to leave *face palm* … but I stayed. As he continued, the chat seemed very self centered. At the time I just thought “thank god, someone that leads the conversation, this is refreshing!” but as the night went on I started to realise that these stories (which were pretty yawn) had likely been told a number of times to a number of different girls, they were just too rehearsed for spontaneous chat.

It got me thinking, is Tinder killing chivalry? It’s providing a platform to technically “shop” for dates at a touch of a finger, like a pair of shoes. Woman have never been more accessible to men (and probably vice versa). There is no need to build up the courage to approach someone in person and ask them on a date. There is no period of developing a crush and planning how you will win them over. There really is not much effort at all in securing a date, so does this mean Tinder is changing the world of dating and maybe even relationships?

Tinder finds you matches based solely on what you look like and what you have. There is very little room to show personality and the little you can show can be easily “created” with some strategically written Tinder captions and staged profile pictures. Its probably quite easy to get a right swipe … right? Post your best looking selfie and your BMW, Audi station wagon or Land Rover and you have yourself 20 matches?

Now Im not hating on Tinder at all, its not for me, but I appreciate it has a role to play in todays dating world. Neither am I saying that this dating behavior doesn’t go both ways, Im sure woman play this game too, but as a woman I am obviously going to write this from my own perspective. It seems that Tinder has taken the work out of dating which has contributed to a general lack of romance and chivalry. I understand that Tinder is more of a platform for these short term relationships (by short term I mean one or two dates) but is this too tempting for men? Will actual relationships start becoming a thing of the past?

Tinder seems to be a dating world of ‘Mr Bigs’. I’ve never had a Mr Big and Im not that keen on meeting one, so Im going to continue on with the ‘Aiden’s’. I met an ‘Aiden’ a few weeks ago and it all started with an Insta like …. so Ill tell you all about that in the next post!

Holly xxx

 

 

 

 

 

Dating in your 30s : Don’t put all your eggs in one basket

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I don’t feel that New Zealander’s really date. We tend to meet someone, put all our eggs in one guys basket and hope for the best. In many cases, we try and make something work that we kinda know might not be right. Maybe because they fit in with our friends and lifestyle or its easier than playing the dating numbers game? I have been like that in the past when I dated in my early 20s, but this time round its different … and its so much more fun!

I use to live in the states and I absolutely love the way they ACTUALLY date. It’s completely ok to put yourself out there and meet a range of people, I’m all for it. I mean you can spend months getting to know someone, to see if there is potential for something long term, to only release that there’s not and you have to start all over again!

Don’t go out and sleep with everyone … jesus…. but put your self out there! Let go of all your expectations and prerequisites and get know guys that you usually wouldn’t go for. You never know. For me its not about looks or money or what they do, its that connection that comes out of no where, a connection that you cant plan for and a connection that you least expect. Yes its a numbers game but the more people you meet in life, the richer, stronger and more interesting you become!

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All Shades of Grey

Grey is the colour of the Autumn season for me this year. Grey T-shirts, knits and jackets paired with white, light blue or ripped jeans are pretty much my go to for both work and out and about. I just change out my heels for boots or sneakers. Im especially loving oversized knits and long skinny knits that can be draped off the shoulder.

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Photos: Matty P Photography

Seed Cable Knit Poncho

Felt Fedora

Adidas Superstar Originals

Tony Bianco LYLA

Nike Air Max 90

Seed Cable Fringe Snood

Holly xxx

Autumn Lace

Hello autumn!

I adore the huge old trees that overhang the streets of Herne Bay. The brown and orange leaves that cover the streets look so pretty against the white villas this time of year. My friend Matty and I went looking for some beautiful backdrops to take some shots of one of my favourite pieces of the season, the Lace Crop Bell Sleeve from Seed Heritage. The thick lace allows the top and the bell sleeves to hold their shape, it is just so elegant, I love it.

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Photos: The amazing Matty P Photography

Autumn Lace

Seed Heritage Leather Biker Jacket

Seed Heritage Lace Crop Bell Sleeve

Seed Heritage Willow Bucket Bag

Sunglass Hut Prada

Holly xxx

These boots were made for walkin’

I love that I live in a country that truly experiences all four seasons. I like the change in lifestyle, after work activities and enjoying all the different seasonal foods. With winter fast approaching I’m looking forward to discovering new cosy restaurants to meet up with my girlfriends, getting tucked up in bed to watch my favourite reality tv shows and switching out my summer outfits for over-sized coats, woolen jumpers and most importantly investing in some amazing boots.

With pay day only a week away, I have been on a serious online window shop so I can pack away the heels and make room for my new boot collection – priorities are right on this month! Here are a few looks I’m lusting over ….

 

+ The Over-the-knee Boot +

My potential buys:

Seed Heritage – Ally

Tony Bianco – Tash

 

+ The Over Ankle Boot +

My potential buys:

Tony Bianco Jordin

Tony Bianco Bentley

 

+ The Ankle Boot +

My potential buys:

La Tribe – NY Pointed Boot

Senso – Halia

 

Bring on winter … and boots!!

Holly xxx

Working with nature, not against it

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I definitely don’t consider myself a natural skincare guru; I am simply a woman, in her thirties, who had an interest in exploring a natural approach to skincare. Why? Well my mother’s skincare regime is as simple as they come. Natural handmade bar soap followed by 100% cold-pressed coconut oil. After seeing the copious amounts of products filling my bathroom drawers and hearing me moan about my skin, she urged me to cut back and try introducing some natural products.

Our skin is constantly fighting the toxins and chemicals we expose ourselves to every day. Car fumes, sun, and even the affects of stress and lack of sleep will all show somewhere on our skin. Given our skin is a sponge and will absorb most of what we put on it, I have chosen to use products that naturally nourish and nurture my skin. It gives me a greater feeling of pleasure and well-being as I’m using products that work with nature, not against it.  

I am so immensely proud of New Zealand’s very own natural skincare brand Trilogy Advanced Natural Skincare. It is their belief that nature is by far the best laboratory and I couldn’t agree more.

My nightly routine is now simple and I go to sleep smelling like I’ve stepping into the Botanical Gardens in Auckland. I use their Botanical Body Wash followed by their Pure Plant Body Oil or the Firming Body Lotion. The body oil is the perfect combination of pure plant oils and extracts for women in their thirties who, like me, want to support a life of simple, natural beauty.

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A treat for both skin and senses, the subtle botanical fragrances of their body wash and body oils appeal for women and men alike, making the perfect gift for the whole family. 

 

Trilogy Body Care range comprises seven products, including two NEW products:

 

 

 

Cooking For One, For Less!

I am commonly referred to as the queen of the champagne lifestyle on a beer budget. Now I’m not going to go out and say that I live a “Cristal” lifestyle, but I’d comfortably say that I sacrifice some elements of my life to position myself more on the “Tattinger” end of the scale.

I enjoy the finer things in life and am more than happy to find ways to cut down on the mundane costs like weekly lunches. This allows me to save my spending money on the things that are more important to me, like experiencing some of Auckland’s many amazing restaurants over a few glasses of Champagne and an Espresso Martinis with my closest girlfriends. I also need to be clear, for my bosses sake, that I do not receive a beer budget salary either. She always gets so embarrassed when people wonder why I refuse to pay for certain things … eeek!

Here are a few of my tricks and tips for cooking for one, for less:

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1.Get to know when your local supermarket puts out its reduced meat. Yes I know, it sounds bad, but it actually isn’t! If you buy the meat on the first day of reduction and freeze it right away its fine. My local supermarket’s reduced meat usually goes out on a Saturday morning, so I stock up and separate the meat into zip lock bags to freeze. Last Saturday I bought two packets of chicken tenderloins for $2-$3 each.

2.It’s summer now so make use of the super cheap seasonal vegetables. Supermarkets will also put their vegetables on ‘reduced’ at certain times during the week. I definitely choose wisely as soggy mesclun is not the one, but I also find interesting new produce in the reduced section that I wouldn’t usually buy, so it’s also a great way to try out new meals. The local Fruit and Vegetable shops are amazing during summer. With eggplant and avocado as low as 99c my diet completely changes over summer and I love it.

3.On a Sunday I like to roast up a big batch of potatoes, kumara, yams, parsnips and pumpkin. With a fridge full of fresh vegetables and a freezer full of meat, I find they are a great base to any meal and it only requires one or two roasted batches a weeks. I add them to salads, wraps with brown rice and even Indian curry. A cost effective but yummy meal that can save you hours of cooking each night.

4.But my number one favourite food trick this month is my roasted seeds and chickpeas. Similar use to the roast vege, I find they really fill out a salad and  So here’s my simple seed and chickpea recipe with a salad.

Ingredients:

2 cans of chickpeas

Bag of linseeds

Bag of sesame seeds

Moroccan seasoning

Ground coriander

Olive oil

Crushed garlic

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Simply toss all the ingredients together, roast up in a deep baking tray for approx. 30 minutes, tossing every ten minutes. Store in a jar and add to salads, brown rice, and wraps or even add to the top of hummus or other dips with crackers.I filled two of these jars from my batch. They cost less than $10 and last me over a week.

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All the vege in my basket was only $22!

I added my roast seeds to a salad of rocket, tomatoes, cucumber, sweet corn, broccoli, purple cabbage and a big bunch of coriander. I drizzle Extra Virgin olive oil and fresh lemon juice on top. This cost less then $5 per serve.

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So, as you can see my beer budget ways aren’t that bad. It’s easy, effortless and makes my semi Tattinger lifestyle a lot more easier.

x

 

He says the darndest things…

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Kieran is like the devil on my shoulder when Im leaning more towards my angelic side, he is the honesty I need when I don’t want to hear it and I swear he knows me so well he can predict the outcome of a date before I have even meet the guy. The things that come out of his mouth sometimes are just so classic, I thought I’d collate them into a post so I can re-read them when I need a laugh. Here are a few of my favs:

On my Instagram posts:

He evaluates my Instagram feed on the daily and gets offended when I post something that he hasn’t pre-approved, its so cute ….

“Your last post babe, it was kinda a non event. Your not going to get a bad reaction, but your not going to get a good reaction …. simply a non event”

“That post was track 9 on a CD. No one ever listens to track 9, its nice to have but you should only post track ones”

“Dont post that one, its too “look at me Im hot” post this one its “sorry, I cant help Im hot”

When talking men:

“I want a few, I don’t give a f#@k. I spent my 20s trying to get marred, now Im going to be a whore, but a classy one”

Before my birthday dinner:

“I need to see you beforehand, I have something you wont want to carry … don’t worry its not herpes”

On KUWTK:

“OMG did you see the end of the Kardashians? I cant wait to see Kourt and Scotts break up, I love it when Kourt breaks down, I always connect”

Says it all:

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I love him … one day he will give in and marry me …

Holly xxx

Heart From Hazel

Chunky knit blankets feature in some of the most admired Instagram lifestyle accounts, with top lifestyle bloggers slipping them into their flat lays wherever possible. But to wrap yourself in a chunky knit of New Zealand’s finest wool, is a feeling you simply cannot capture in a photo.

Heart from Hazel is home to Couch Candy. A chunky knit range hand made from NZ wool by Renee. I have been attached to mine since it arrived, beautifully packaged with a hand poured soy candle and a personal note of love. It drapes over my bed at night and I love thinking how it was likely made while Renee was snugged up on the couch with a cup of coffee, hand knitting my dreamy charcoal throw.

Her range includes cot candy (the perfect baby shower gift that would last a lifetime) to bed runners and couch throws, in both soft pastels and vibrant colourways. She shares the process beautifully on her Instagram account and for those who are inspired, she also offers a couch candy kit so you can knit your own at home.

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The knit patterns on each side are different, one being a tighter knit and the other a looser plait style. I like the tighter bubbly look so use mine this way.

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For more on the range and to keep up to date with Renee and her creations follow her here!

www.heartfromhazel.com

Instagram heartfromhazel 

xxx

I complete me…

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I’m about to turn 31 and during the last few weeks of my 30’s I’ve realised there is nowhere else I’d rather be, or nowhere else I should be.

I have never really been single. I have always jumped from relationship to relationship with a few months in-between. I have always been a pretty confident person, I have never really hit any lows, I’ve always been good at fitting into unfamiliar situations and been happy to step out of my comfort zone. But looking back on it, I have always had someone there to fall back on, someone to reassure me, a security blanket. Now that I am not in a relationship I’ve realised how important it is to find your own happiness. Happiness that comes from within and not a happiness that relies on someone else.

When you are content and happy within yourself and with only yourself, then you are better prepared for long lasting happiness. You know that through all the bumps in the road, you will be ok, because you have been and can be happy again on your own. The reality of it is you never really know when a relationship may end. Anyone could walk out the door and be hit by a car. Losing a love for whatever reason can be life destroying but the stronger you are going into it, the stronger you are going out of it.

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Spending the last 6 months single has really changed my perspective on life. I was forced to spend time alone, make decisions alone and just be alone. It’s scary, especially when you are so use to being part of a team. In your 30’s and all your friends are married and having children you feel a lot more alone than you did single in your twenties! But I soon realised that I didn’t need to rely on a relationship to be happy. I didnt need someones attention all day to feel secure about myself. I have built a new security and found a new happiness that relies on no one but myself.

I watched an amazing video of Jada Pinkett-Smith talking to her daughter Willow about being a mother and a wife. She talks about how important it is to find that inner happiness in order to provide happiness to those around you.

“You have to take care of yourself in order to have the alignment and the power to take care of others”

So the last few weeks of my 30’s are pretty much booked already, as is most of my life now! However, I always keep 2 days a week free of other people’s company, my phone, social media and even my cat to spend time with just me.

xxx

Three Sex And The City Episodes For Singles In Their Thirties.

Season 3, Episode 18 – Miranda and Carries Fight

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Every girl has a Mr Big. The one love that you just can’t seem to shake. No one will ever take his place and no one will ever take your heart like he did. We know it’s never going to work, relationships end for a reason but we just can’t seem to help ourselves. We have this uncontrollable human need to hold on.

In this episode, Miranda and Carrie have one of their first fights when Miranda finally has enough with Carrie running back to Big.

“Wake up, Carrie. How many more times are you gonna go through this? He is bad for you. Jesus, every time you get near him, you turn into this pathetic, needy, insecure victim. What pisses me off the most is that you are more than willing to go back for more.”

As a friend it can be so hard to sit back and watch our girlfriends get sucked into the spiral of hurt which leads to irrational behaviour and insecurity. No one wants that for their friends. This usually involves countless pep talks and support and just when you think you have finally gotten through to them, you catch them going back and everyone is back at square one.

The reality of it is, it’s not going to end until they have gone through that complete cycle on their own and often this needs to be in their own time. Just be the ears and the shoulder to cry on, it is likely that it will never end, like Carrie and Big, but it will get easier.

 

Season 4, Episode 2 – The Real Me

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In this episode, Miranda is working out in the gym in her old t-shirt, no makeup and sweating like a pig. As she collapses off the treadmill she catches the eye of a gorgeous young man. Assuming there is no way he is looking at her in her current state, she looks around to check out the girl he is probably giving the eye to. But to her shock, it’s her. Thinking she is completely punching above her weight, she tries to play it cool, a little too cool. She isn’t herself and its it is cringingly obvious. She goes in for the kiss, he dodges, and that’s the end of that.

There is no point trying to be someone else or trying to be what you think they are looking for, at the end of the day that is going to get really tiring and eventually your true self will show. If the guy isn’t into you right at the start, just the way you are, I wouldn’t bother. It’s much easier being single and yourself than in a relationship constantly reminding yourself who to be.

Season 6, Episode 7 – The Post It Episode

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This is the go to episode for anyone that’s been dumped! Why? Because I really don’t believe that it is possible to be dumped in a more tragic way than in a post it note. Not only was Carrie left in the middle of the night by Burger, but she was left with no explanation via a very short message ‘I’m sorry, I can’t, don’t hate me’. Being dumped is never easy but at least in most cases this episode can make you feel a little better!

Every woman in their 30’s should own the entire series of Sex and the City. You will find yourself easily relating to at least one of the characters in each episode and its a great way to look at different situations in someone else shoes.

Holly xx

Top Five: First Dates in Auckland

1.The Late Night Drink – XuXu Dumpling Bar Britomart

To be honest, I haven’t eaten the dumplings here but this little spot tucked away in Britomart makes for the perfect late night cocktail date. Be warned, they are strong! The intimate courtyard is cosy enough to smell (and judge) his cologne, but spacious enough to keep the chat private.

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2. The First ‘Actual’ Meeting – Elliot St Stables

I’m not one for Tinder or social media pickups but I know this is running hot lately. I couldn’t imagine going out for dinner somewhere intimate if you haven’t even met the guy. What if the chat falls flat and you are sitting there in silence? I’m pretty good and thinking on my toes and coming up with something to keep the conversation going, but this isn’t the case for everyone. One thing you can always count on is some quality people watching!

Elliot Stables is so bustling with interesting people and fashion that the conversation could not possibly fall flat!

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3. Golf with the Friend of a Friend

Now I wouldn’t say go for a round but definitely hit up the driving range. I think this is ideal for a first date with someone that you may already know. Maybe a friend of a friend. Yes, this can be embarrassing as you swing yourself round in circles missing every ball but hey, it will create a few lols and if you are like me it will get you out of your heels and show him a more relaxed side of you.

Golf Warehouse Driving Range Takapuna is pretty low key and relaxed.

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4. Get out of your suburb!

I rarely leave the Ponsonby bubble. Its home to me and I am slightly embarrassed to admit that I actually get anxious venturing into other areas of Auckland! I don’t know … it has everything and the best of everything, all in walking distance to my home. BUT on a first date its actually quite fun to explore a new area. I’d quite like to check out Madam Woo in Takapuna.

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5. A Date in the Sun

Not ready for the one on one chat? Then celebrate the return of the Victoria Park Markets. If you are both from Auckland than this will bring back some memories! Check out the local produce, fashion and live music and pop into one of the cafes for a quick coffee.

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Any more first date ideas???

Holly xx

 

To game or not to game?

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The one thing that scares me about dating is all this ‘game playing’ that seems to go on. I’m scared because I don’t know what these games are, how the hell to play them or even how to tell if I’m being played? I’m pretty straight up in all aspects of my life, so I don’t think I’m up for making any changes for this dating world.

I feel like you should know if someone is interested enough in you within the first few weeks. For it to be worth even getting to a kiss then there needs to be that mystery, somewhat of a fascinating, a need to know more. It doesn’t need to be forever or even lead to a relationship but there needs to be that spark of curiosity and intrigue. When games come into play, they just mess with all the fun stuff, the butterflies and the excitement.

It’s obviously not said for everybody, but I feel like if you are being played or you can’t figure them out, then they’re just not that into you. Pick up that red flag, put your sneakers on and jog the f#$k outta there. To be honest, it’s likely they have a few options on the go, they are keeping you there as back up or they are still stuck up on an ex!

I do wonder though, on that odd occasion, if love can be lost within these games. If people don’t know how to just be themselves and let their feelings be honest, and in the midst of all that confusion something that could have been, turns a wrong corner and walks away.

If I like you, I like you. If I want to see you, Ill ask you out. If I want to talk to you, Ill call and if I want to kiss you, then I definitely want to know more.

I got no time for games, only “fun” ones …

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Me ^^ ….

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Not me ^^ …

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Tehehehehe ^^^

Holly xxx

Dating in the age of social media

The last time I really ‘dated’ was literally pre MySpace. I met guys through friends or traveling or just putting myself out there. I dated one guy who worked in the local surf shop. I thought he was so cute so I just went up to the counter and asked him on a date. We went out that night and dated for over two years. Ten years later it kinda feels like this dating game is not quite how it use to be. From Myspace to Facebook and now Tinder or even LinkedIn, you can literally piece together someone in a few hours.

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Could social media burst the butterfly bubble of dating? Isn’t that what dating is all about? Getting to know someone? I’m just not quite sure I could sit opposite a guy in a restaurant and pretend to ‘get to know him’ all the while knowing that his sister got married last week, he has dinner with the family every Tuesday, he has a family bach in Waihi, he went to Westlake Boys High, he drives a black BMW, he has dated 4 other brunette girls in the last 2 years and he is also friends with Keri, Shannon and Katie (all fictional FYI).

By having all this information literally at our fingers tips could we risk vetoing a guy before we even know them? Could we judge someone based on a bunch of photos or where they work? Could we potentially say no to someone that could have actually been someone amazing? I mean you could easily sit back and wait for ‘the one’ who fits your criteria, your friends criteria or even what your parents want for you, but honestly, you can’t tell if someone is right for you based on what you can see on their social profile. There’s no photo or status that could ever capture that feeling.

Theres a time and place for stalking though and I think that comes with the dating world of Tinder! There is definitely a level of stalking required for your own safety! Since I am not on Tinder, I think Ill take the table talk and get to know someone over a few dates rather than a few hours on the web.

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xx Holly

The gorgeous gay by my side

The gorgeous Gay by my side

We met at a girlfriends drinks one night and it wasn’t long before we ended up sitting next to each other and we started chatting. We quickly realised that we shared one BIG thing in common, our love for California. From this point on you literally couldn’t get a word in as we shared all our experiences, stories and memories we had there and how much both of us wanted to go back and lay poolside amongst all the gorgeous cali boys.

He was one of those people you meet and instantly fall in friend love. He is 6ft 4, brunette, strappingly handsome and has ended up being such a light in my life. I just couldn’t imagine not having him around now! Here’s a few reasons why:

  1. His brutal honestly when it comes to my outfits. There is no beating around the bush, it’s a straight yes or no, simple no bullshit. Just what I need right now!!
  1. There ain’t no shame in his selfie game. Not only does he encourage me to actually put my face on my social media but he is all over his too and I love that … so god dam confident!
  1. Bed cuddles. We can lie in bed for hours chatting, watching reality tv and stalking guys on his tinder.
  1. The best date to any event (he lets me balance on his arm if my heels are slightly too high to stand in for long periods of time)
  1. If I ever feel like I just need someone with me, he is there. Running errands, going to the gym or just hanging on the couch.

The gorgeous gay by my side

Above: Learning the selfie

The gorgeous gay by my side

Above: Confidence in full effect 

The gorgeous gay by my side

Above: and again he he he

Love you b

Holly xxx

A Bit of Spring for Spring!

I have lots of hair, but my “lots of hair” comes in the form of length not strands … much to my frustration. Girls always comment on my long hair but I would trade it in a heart beat for thickness or volume. If it had more volume, the world of hair styles would be my oyster! Hair is so much easier to style up or down with volume.

I can get around my dreaded thin hair issue by creating wavy curls before styling. I’ve been using the Remington Perfect Curls 2-in-1 and absolutely love it. Its perfect for my hair as it creates both defined curls or loose waves with a quick adjustment, perfect for my favorite hair styles. Its also a lot easier to use than a wand. I usually get tired arms from holding my hair in place so the clip is so helpful and allows me to be a bit more patient waiting for each curl!

 

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Kirsty Fleming is my hair inspiration, if you don’t already follow her then you need to! Here are a few of my favourite Kirsty Fleming wavy hair looks:

Wavy hair worn out. You can flick it over rather than having a straight parting (like mine) and have it sitting up off you scalp with that blown look.

 

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The half up and half down. This look tried with thin flat hair just doesn’t have the same effect but with natural waves gives such a gorgeous boho look.

 

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The messy bun. Again, a no go with thin straight hair, but a simple curl and you can achieve the messy bun look in minutes.

Low Bun

 

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High Bun

 

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Holly xxx