I started 30vs30 with a friend of mine to share stories about our contrasting lives – me single and 30, and her a mum and wife and 30. I decided to carry the name on when it became just me, however the energy and personality of the blog has taken a new creative direction. I still share and celebrate the stories of woman in their thirties but the name 30vs30 began to feel unconnected to the heart of my blog. Besides, it only has another 8 years left to run and I hope to be still sharing my stories well into my 40s!
So Holly Estelle was born. My full name is Holly Estelle Lindsey but its so much more than just being my name. There is a very special story that comes with it, one that I want to share.
Estelle is my grandmother’s name. I never met Estelle as she died in a car accident when my mother was 32. Although I never met her, I have never felt that she was missing in my life or that I had missed out on having her as a grandmother. She has always been there with me throughout my journey, holding my hand through the hard times and cheering me on through the good ones. We have a unique connection that goes beyond the name and heres why….
I was unexpectedly born premature, on the anniversary of her death, a year to the day after she passed. My parents were at the hospital having the routine tour of the maternity wing along with other couples. My mother had mentioned to the doctors that she had a pain in her back which quickly escalated to giving birth and I was in my parents arms just before midnight. I was rushed to the emergency ward to check that everything was alright. Instead of getting the rest she needed, my mother stayed by my side the entire night and day. Estelle’s angels sent me to fill a space in my mother’s broken heart and my mum knew that.
I often think that’s why we are so close, because in some spiritual way my mum has both Holly and Estelle in one being. My parents gave me Estelle as a middle name with the plan to let me change it to my first name when I entered high school. At that point I decided not to, as everyone knew me as Holly and it didn’t feel right at that time.
Now, looking back on it, I held off for a reason. The name had its place in my future. It would come front and centre when I was in a place of true contentment. A place of honest happiness and security. It would represent an important part of who I am, something that fuels my happiness, that is entirely my own and inspires me to reach for the stars … my blog.
Estelle is an old french name, meaning star. I’m not sure what’s in store for me and this life of mine, but I have the brightest star in the sky to guide me. It’s the one star I’m reaching for and her name is Estelle.
So heres to the first chapter.